14J-4

That's Kwame's cell. His new home. Newspapers are writing about it. Former residents include Jack Kevorkian and White Boy Rick. It is 15 by 10 feet. Twice the size of a standard cell, but that's because it's meant for those in protective custody. The famous or infamous stay in that cell alone 23 hours of the day, so it is roomier than the norm. The sheriff describes it as "no country club".

I don't know.

Yeah it's made of light cream painted concrete blocks and a heavy steel door. And all you get is a bed and a small table and chair. It has a second tiny room with a shower and toilet but no door for privacy. Hell, you're in there alone. Who needs privacy? And he's allowed to have a tv. Even when he gets out the one hour a day for recreation, THAT'S private too.

So tell me if I'm crazy but, for anyone who gets stressed out with work, money, kids, family, etcetera...a couple of months in a private room where you can read or watch tv all day with nothing else to do, no other responsibilities, and they feed you, and you're guaranteed to not be beaten or raped or even have to use the toilet in front of other guys...sounds kinda nice to me. Sure there's the whole can't leave thing, but man. No woman can ask you stupid questions about which color window treatments you should buy, as if you even know what the hell a window treatment is. Annoying family members can't call you to ask you for money that they pretend they'll pay right back. Yeah you'd miss the kids, but you'd see them in a few months and you wouldn't have to watch Dora Saves The Rabid Dead Skunk or whatever the hell episode they're running 17 times that afternoon. I'm just sayin'. Sleep when you want. Read. Watch some television. Oooh, if you could get your own tv with a dvr? Sweet! Is this really justice? Or is this a nice break?

I think most guys would agree the three worst things about prison would be rape, beatings, and dropping the browns off at the pool in front of the guy who just beat or raped you. Not being able to go to Thanksgiving at your in-laws house? C'mon. How high up the worst thing list is that really? Like 865th?

Kwame Kilpatrick will be in that cell tomorrow night. Alone with no distractions and a good book or watching Madden Nation and the World Series of Poker. What are you gonna be stuck doing? That's all I'm sayin'.

I'M F&$#*!G SORRY!!!

This blog was never out to join the real 'blogosphere' or anything...really it was just meant as a small way to keep in touch with you our most loyal of listeners until we're back on. But I feel bad nonetheless that it's been weeks since I've written. My computer died a while back and it's been difficult isolating the problem, but I think (think) it's fixed. So I've been outta touch and I'm sorry. Today is John Smyntek's last day at the Free Press. He was the first guy and probably the last guy to write anything about us here, both good and bad, lol, but more importantly he's just a really cool guy and I want to wish him all the best. The paper won't be the same without him. I'm sure he'll fill his time looking for new bow ties and small movie roles. Good luck John!

Still haven't met Beaver's baby girl yet but will soon.

Rudy's still a Warcraft-playing-drunk.

I'm still looking forward to you all.

DEBATE

I watched tonight and was struck by one thing. John McCain is really short. This doesn't matter whatsoever. He' s a tougher son of a bitch than I could ever be. If I were at the Hanoi Hilton I'd be looking for the pillow concierge, so don't get me wrong. I'm not saying this to say it matters. It's just what I kept noticing. His height is listed as 5' 7". I've read both that Obama is 6' even and 6' 1". Obama looks much taller. I don't know if that's because he's standing next to McCain or if it is because he is so scrawny. Vern Troyer is still pissed that he was closed out of the debate and I agree it would have helped McCain had he been included.

Anyway, it got me wondering, so I did a little research and according to www.heightsite.com there were only three U.S. presidents shorter than John McCain. James Madison, Benjamin Harrison and Martin Van Buren. Madison was the shortest at 5' 4". The same site claims the four tallest U.S. presidents were Thomas Jefferson, Lyndon B. Johnson, Abraham Lincoln and William Jefferson Clinton. If you were to look at tallest U.S. presidents without a constant erection it would be Thomas Jefferson, Lyndon B. Johnson and Abraham Lincoln. Lincoln being the tallest at 6' 4".

Does it matter in getting elected? According to a strange wikipedia article, in elections where we knew the candidates heights, 25 times the taller candidate won, but 18 times the shorter candidate won. 3 of those 18 times though, the taller candidate won the popular vote but lost in the electoral college. So who knows.

Here's the full list. And again, yes, of COURSE I know it doesn't matter. What really matters this election year is that Sarah Palin has a nice ass.


5ft4 James Madison

5ft6 Benjamin Harrison, Martin Van Buren

5ft7 John Quincy Adams, John Adams, William McKinley

5ft8 Ulysses S. Grant, William H. Harrison, James Polk, Zachary Taylor

5ft8.5 Rutherford Hayes

5ft9 Millard Fillmore, Harry S. Truman

5ft9.5 Jimmy Carter

5ft10 Calvin Coolidge, Andrew Johnson, Franklin Pierce, Theodore Roosevelt

5ft10.5 Dwight D. Eisenhower

5ft11 George W. Bush, Grover Cleveland, Herbert Hoover, Woodrow Wilson

5ft11.5 Richard Nixon

6ft James Buchanan, Gerald R. Ford, James Garfield, Warren Harding, John F. Kennedy, James Monroe, William H. Taft, John Tyler

6ft1 Andrew Jackson, Ronald Reagan

6ft2 Chester Arthur, George Bush, Franklin D. Roosevelt, George Washington

6ft2.5 Bill Clinton, Thomas Jefferson

6ft3Lyndon B. Johnson

6ft4Abraham Lincoln

PALIN VS. BIDEN TONIGHT

Sure, this promises to be entertaining. Biden who's known for using a thousand words when ten would suffice vs. Palin who can't seem to find the right words ever. When I first saw Palin give her speech at the RNC I was actually a bit impressed. Then we learned how full of shit she is, like the Bridge To Nowhere for example. And her very limited interviews since have proven she's way over her head. Many of her answers to relatively simple questions have been incoherent.

But...

what bugs me is so many people treating her with kid gloves and acting like media should 'back off'. The McCain camp has been limiting her exposure to interviews by design because they know she can't keep up. For so many Americans to act like 'it's only the vice-presidency; it's a do-nothing job anyway' is absurd.

Do they realize she'd be that cliched heartbeat away from the presidency, and under a man who'd be the oldest elected and who has a history of cancer?

Also, consider this. We've had 43 presidents including our current president. 9 times the vice-president has had to step up and assume the presidency. 43 presidents. 9 times. That's huge! Four of the nine was due to illness (Harrison died of pneumonia in 1842 making John Tyler president, Taylor in 1850 bringing in Fillmore, Harding of a heart attack in 1923 ushering in Calvin Coolidge and Roosevelt's death bringing in Truman). You could argue we have much better medicine now. But 4 more of those 9 were due to assassination. Lincoln to Andrew Johnson, Garfield to Arthur, McKinley to Teddy Roosevelt, and Kennedy to Johnson. That's almost 10 percent of the administrations. That's huge. The last one of the 9 was when Nixon resigned by the way.

So my point is let's not discount the serious nature of tonight's debate and certainly not the importance of asking how qualified these two really are to assume the presidency. History has taught us it happens all the time.